PSYCHOLOGICAL BANDAGES

Not long ago my four year old granddaughter skinned her knee. It was a small scratch, probably painful for a minute or two, but her tears and sobbing made it sound like she had been injured for life. No matter how much I tried to calm her, she continued to cry - until I suggested that we put on a band-aid®. She stopped crying almost immediately and I could see the look of relief on her face. She completely relaxed as I put the bandage on her injured knee, then she took off as if nothing had happened, greatly relieved that her "boo-boo" was fixed. She showed no concern about the scratch again until her mother removed the bandage a few days later and exposed the small bruise to light and air so it could heal completely.

         I have always been struck by the psychological power of a bandage. Even when it isn't needed, a bandage has a powerful placebo effect. It reduces our anxiety by hiding the wound and reminding us of our belief that it is helping.

         Bandages are such powerful things that they have entered our psyches. As adults and children, we use psychological bandages to hide psychological wounds from ourselves and others. We believe that doing so is helpful, and it often is - for a while. But like a physical bandage, if we leave it on too long, the wound can actually get worse.

         Sometimes you and I are fully aware of what we are doing when we apply psychological bandages - like my deceased uncle did when he refused to talk about perceived hurts received from his family members over 50 years ago, or like the grieving widow who refuses to acknowledge her husband's death, or the returning war veteran who keeps his memories to himself.

         If you are hurt more traumatically, you may apply a psychological bandage without being aware you are doing so, or apply it consciously and then forget that you did. You won't remember the wound or what caused it.

         But applying a psychological bandage doesn't mean that the wound won't have an impact. Just like a child (or an adult) who avoids activities that might hurt the bandaged physical wound, when you apply a psychological bandage you will try to protect yourself the same way. The results can be very debilitating. My uncle showed his resentment when he was not aware of it, but his anger was obvious to everyone close to him. The widow who hides her husband's death from herself acts as though he is still alive - closing herself off from healing and a normal life. Trauma victims often avoid situations that are physically or symbolically similar to the traumatic event, numb themselves emotionally, have flashbacks, and experience frightful and confusing nightmares.

         Many physical wounds will not heal unless you eventually remove the bandage, treat the wound, and expose it to light and air. If you don't, the wound and the resulting scar can be much worse. Psychological bandages work the same way.

         We are all pretty used to the idea of removing the physical bandage by ourselves, or with the help of a medical professional. Removing your psychological bandage can be much more difficult because you will typically be more anxious about doing so. Actually, sometimes just the thought of removing the psychological bandage can be so scary that you shouldn't let anyone force you to remove it. When you are ready, you'll do it.

The unconscious psychological bandage is more difficult; psychotherapy is usually the safest way to remove it. The same applies to the consciously applied bandage that doesn't want to go away. It has to be removed slowly - not ripped off like a physical bandage is sometimes removed. Remember that "ripping" sound and the pain as all that hair comes up with the bandage?  As the psychological bandage comes off, you need to look at the wound, understand how it got there, and be aware of how you may be unrealistically afraid of the wound or distorting your perception of it. You will need to learn how to cope with the anxiety the wound causes, and learn how to stop avoiding situations that have been making you anxious.

         This bandage metaphor isn't perfect, however. Here's its shortcoming: A physical bandage stays on pretty much by itself and when it's gone it generally stays gone, since most of us don't carry spare bandages in our pockets. But a psychological bandage acts differently. It takes mental effort to keep a psychological bandage on, and that effort uses up your psychological resources and saps your physical energy. Plus, while you can easily keep the physical bandage off after it's removed, you can slap the psychological bandage back on in an instant, because you always carry a spare in your head.

If you think you don't have any psychological bandages, think again. We all have them. The psychological wounds that you and I receive and the bandages we apply to them make us who we are. However, we can become more relaxed, better adjusted, and more aware of ourselves and how we can become better by examining our psychological bandages and removing the ones we can.

After all, who wants to hang around with bandages on them all the time?

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Copyright 2009. All rights Reserved. Based on my article "A Different Kind of Bandage" that appeared in the State College Magazine, January 2008.